Captain Planet, Zorro and Other Super Heros I´d do...

As I drunkenly jumped off a railing into the ocean with my Captain Planet battle cry right into a school of swimming quarter sized jelly fish only to spend the next few hours using my dolphin mating call to unsuccessfully lure the local Argentine hippies into the water I thought of how cat calling the local Panamanian military while they were lined up and their Sergent yelling at them could have ended a lot worse. Too bad I was too amused by the sht-sht I was doing and couldn´t do it for more than a second before sexily foamy spit laughing. It´s not my fault I am funny. All this, however, does not top the feeling I had this morning when I woke to the alarm and some god damn hippie liberal douche bag playing the fucking bongos at 7am knowing that in just a few hours Maddy and I would be zipping through the jungle on cables. Lucky for me at the very young age of birth I was given the gift of motion sickness (you can still see the puke stained windows on Guatemalan chicken buses and the locals still shaking thier heads mumbling about how much of a panzy gringas are) so with the room spinning, bongos playing, full grown men jumping on their beds in the next hotel roomI sifted through my bag to find my Vomit-No-More pills. I took one, then took an excedrin (you can never be too careful), but I really should have had some rum. As we waited for our ride to the canopy some nice old man gently stroked my head and gave me pitty looks (mainly because I didn´t tell the dirty bastard I was drunk as shit and thus the reason for my ill look). The car pulled up with a casi-puddle in the drivers seat. I shut my eyes to try and convince myself that puking in this car would not be a good start to the day. Luckily the driver was savy enough to know what a hang over looked like and offered me a beer (it was like that scene in Alice and wonderland where the mad hatter keeps offering Alice things he doesn´t have. Don´t joke with me about beer. I´m from Wisconsin bitch.). He didn´t stroke my head, but I would have let him. Less than an hour later zipping through the jungle I was left with only one thought: Where have all the red heads gone? And why had that man thanked Maddy for the wink and the nod? Somethings I´ll never know.